


Love in a Time of Trauma

by SoloShikigami



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Kidnapping, M/M, Papyrus - Freeform, Psychological Trauma, Recovery, Sans - Freeform, Torture, Underfell Papyrus (Undertale), Underfell Sans (Undertale), Underfell Undyne (Undertale), Underswap Papyrus (Undertale), Underswap Sans (Undertale), Undyne - Freeform, Unnamed doctor - Freeform, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:20:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23985199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoloShikigami/pseuds/SoloShikigami
Summary: Swap goes missing and Edge goes through hell to try to find him, but it’s nothing compared to the hell that awaits them as Swap tries to navigate the healing process. Swap and Edge's relationship is put to the test, will they be able to survive?
Relationships: Papyrus/Papyrus (Undertale)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 34





	Love in a Time of Trauma

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Annie based on a picture by CheapBourbon. Originally posted on Tumblr, July 2018  
> 

“I told you to watch yourself when you’re out there! Not all humans can be trusted, and they are even worse when they’re in a mob!” Edge shouted.

“You think I don’t know that? I’m just as upset about how the event turned out! A lot of monsters _and_ humans got hurt, especially the good ones - the ones who are on _our_ side,” Swap argued.

“And why did I have to hear about what happened from our friends?”

“Because you were running with your gang! You know, the one you said you would leave? You promised me after the last shootout that you were going to get out! You _promised_ that we were going to move someplace safer!”

“You still should have told me first before the others! You should have at least texted me!”

“I needed support and I needed it right then! My worst fears short of a fucking reset were happening and I needed someone now, not after they were done with their gang business!”

The argument had reached a point where they each couldn’t think of anything else to say. Edge’s involvement with his gang was just a much a thorn in Swap’s side as Swap’s involvement with the Monster Rights movement was for Edge. Both activities were dangerous, both had put them each in harm’s way, and they both knew that it had to stop.

The sound of the rain finally overtook the rush of magic and anger that had been buzzing in both of their skulls a few moments ago, the temperature of the room cooling as they calmed. A low rumble of thunder brought reality back into focus.

Swap took a deep breath, letting it out long and slow as he moved over to Edge, who was leaning against the back of the couch. Swap put his hands on Edge’s shoulders and looked him straight in the eye. He met Swap’s gentle eye-lights with a neutral gaze.

“Papyrus, you know I love you,” he murmured.

Edge shivered a little; he knew Swap was serious when he used his (their) given name, and he really liked hearing Swap say it.

“I love you with all of my soul,” Swap continued. “I wanted to talk to you first, I wanted to reach out to you, but you weren’t there. That’s why you’re leaving the gang, that’s why we talked about moving in together, and that’s why we planned a future together. I _love_ you, Edge.”

Swap’s hands gripped Edge’s shoulders tighter as he spoke, easing off a little as he emphasized his last point. Edge had turned his face away a moment before as Swap’s love and sincerity were becoming overwhelming.

“Y-you know how I feel, Swap,” he finally murmured.

Swap’s face darkened, and he shoved Edge back a little.

“Yeah, but you never fucking said it.”

Swap turned to the door, which was only a few paces away, gripping the doorknob and turning it about halfway by the time Edge gathered himself to speak.

“Where do you think you’re going? It’s dangerous out there now!”

“I can handle myself. I have before, you know. I may not have had the experiences you’ve had, but I’ve done just fine before I met you,” Swap said darkly before glancing over his shoulder at the other. “Take a breather and think about what you want and how you really feel, because I want answers when I come back.”

With that, the door was yanked open and slammed shut with Swap on the other side. Before he moved on, he took a deep breath.

“ _If_ I come back,” he whispered to himself before he stepped off the concrete stoop and into the pouring rain.

Edge had stood in a state of shock for about ten seconds before he could get himself to move, nearly leaping at the door and pulling it open and jumping out onto the stoop. He looked in both directions, calling out for Swap, but there was no sign of him. Evidently, he had chosen to teleport away.

With a sigh and a swear, Edge went back into his tiny, dingy city apartment to clean his anger away, to spend the entire night awake and thinking, and waiting for Swap to come back.

* * *

“You look like you got more on your mind than usual, Papyrus,” the bartender said, leaning on the bar. “Care to talk about it?”

Edge, who was nearly sprawled on top of the bar himself, drink clutched in one hand as his other was the only thing holding his head upright. He finished what was left in the glass with one swig.

“Not really, Jordan,” he muttered.

“C’mon,” Jordan coaxed, reaching for the bottle he had been pouring for Edge for most of the night. “You’re a regular, sure, but you’ve been here more often than usual.”

“Maybe ‘cause you’re the only one who can mix a decent drink,” Edge said. “Not bad for a human, y’know.”

Jordan chuckled as he poured the brown liquid into the glass until it was a bit more than halfway full.

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Not sure how it worked when you all were Underground, but here, your bartender can be a pal, a therapist, a guide, a counsellor; why not give me a chance?”

Edge drank down the glass in a couple of gulps, slamming the glass down. He glanced over at the window where in the corner was a missing poster that was starting to show the signs of being bleached by the sun. He then slowly looked back at Jordan, his red eye-lights blurry and dark lines under his sockets.

“Shit man,” Jordan breathed.

“Can’t find him,” Edge muttered. “Told him not to go, didn’t tell him, never did, just… I _couldn’t_ Jordan, I couldn’t _tell him_ , because I was a coward. I _am_ a coward, he’s gone because I’m a coward.”

Edge continued to mutter the same words over and over. Jordan tilted his head.

“Is this where I should cut you off?” Jordan asked.

Edge reached for the glass, gripping it with confidence and knocking it against the bar. Jordan hesitated a moment but poured him about half a glass. Edge threw it back like a shot.

“Again,” Edge said, his voice surprisingly clear.

Jordan filled the glass halfway again, and again it was taken in a shot.

“Again.”

Jordan obeyed.

“Again.”

“I dunno, man, I think that’s enough; you’re starting to slur again.”

“Again, human.”

“Ha, yeah, that’s a sign.”

“Fucking human, I said _again_.”

“I heard you, dude, and I’m saying that’s enough.”

Edge snarled, standing up so fast the stool was knocked over and his usual attack of sharpened red bones appeared behind him, pointed at Jordan. The bartender had backed up, putting his hands up in a placating fashion, but keeping eye contact with the monster.

“All right, pal, just take it easy,” Jordan said calmly.

“I WILL FIND HIM,” Edge growled. “AND IF I HAVE TO KILL EVERY MONSTER AND HUMAN FROM HERE TO MT. EBOT-!”

There was the sound of a _pop_ and a familiar hand on Edge’s shoulder stayed his attack.

“Hey, bro, c’mon,” Red said. “Jordan’s gotta close the place and I think you need some sleep.”

“Good timing,” Jordan murmured.

Edge relaxed enough to drop his attacks, the red bones fading.

“That’s it, bro, just breath,” Red said, rubbing his shoulder a little.

Edge turned to his brother, tears threatening to fall.

“I can’t find him, Sans,” he murmured. “Where did he go? Why can’t, why didn’t I…”

“Easy, Boss, easy,” Red said gently, pulling his brother into a hug.

“Sans?”

“Yep?”

“When did you get so tall?”

“I’m standing on a stool, ya doofus.”

“Oh.”

Edge leaned heavily into Red, then began to sob quietly.

“Thanks for texting me, dude,” Red said, looking up at Jordan. “Sorry he’s being like this.”

“It’s cool. Kinda honored that he chooses my little place to drown his sorrows,” Jordan said, setting the bottle aside and tossing a bar towel over his shoulder. “I’m a bit new to dealing with a monster who doesn’t know his limits, it’s why I figured I’d give you a text.”

“Yeah, again, thanks,” Red said. “Let’s get you home.”

Red hopped off the stool, and while Edge bent over a bit more to keep leaning on his brother, Red didn’t have any trouble leading him out of the bar.

Outside leaning back to back near a streetlamp were a pair of monsters that could have passed for twins. One could suppose, in a sense, they were.

“Sans, you never told me Undyne had a twin,” Edge muttered.

“She doesn’t, jackass,” Red sighed. “Papyrus’ friend Undyne tagged along with your friend Undyne because the more the merrier.”

“And because short stack here can’t handle your tall ass,” Undyne said with a sigh as she took one of Edge’s arms and pulled it across her shoulders while her Underfell counterpart did the same with his other.

“For a skeleton, he’s fucking heavy,” she growled. “How much did he have to drink?”

Red looked his brother up and down before turning and starting down the street with the others in tow.

“Not enough for him to be like this,” Red said once he felt they were far enough away from the bar.

“Can’t find him,” Edge murmured.

“You sure? He’s just a tad broken up over his missing boyfriend,” Undyne said. “Not too sure about him, but I know my skele-nerd would probably drink the entire bar.”

“Still, Boss knows how to hold his alcohol, even in the depths of despair.”

“You think something else is going on?” the other Undyne asked.

“Hard to say, don’t wanna jump to conclusions. Let’s just get him home, his skull is going to be splitting more than usual in the morning.”

* * *

Swap shuddered as he felt his HP drop another decimal point. He had become numb to the cold concrete floor he had been sitting on since… well, he had lost track of time long ago. He didn’t know if he still had his hands, but he was still handcuffed to the pipe at his back, which occasionally ran unbelievably hot, burning him several times. He no longer had the energy to open his eyes, sit up straight, or even keep his head up.

As long as it was silent, he was safe. Sound meant humans, which meant pain. He sometimes wondered if he had already dusted, and somehow was stuck in a strange limbo that did nothing but replay his last moments of life.

Stars, was he tired.

_CRASH!_

Swap jumped, which made him cry out, then he started to panic. He did it now; they hated it when he was loud, and it always made things so much worse.

_BANG! CRASH!_

“ _WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?!”_

Swap began breathing heavily; these sounds were louder than the usual ones, and the voice that shouted was deep, angry, and couldn’t mean anything good.

“No, no, please, don’t, please,” Swap began to whisper, his eye-sockets stinging as tears began spilling out of them.

There were more crashes and a few screams, and then everything went dark and quiet.

“- _ap! -wap-! No, please,_ please, wake up, SWAP!”

The room came into focus as he slowly blinked his eyes open. A hand was cradling the side of his face, another shaking his shoulder, and the dark blur in front of him slowly solidified into a rectangular face that mirrored his own, red eyes wide and shining.

“Oh my God, y-you’re here, I found you, I found you,” Edge babbled.

“… Edge?”

Then everything went dark.

* * *

Edge limped into the waiting room with Red helping him along. He had a bandage around his skull, a patch on a cheekbone, and while no one could really see since he was wearing pants, if one looked carefully enough, they would see a slight bulge under his left patella.

Blue looked up and Edge nearly gasped; he never saw such a horrid look on the always cheerful face. He had been sitting between Sans and Papyrus, who were taking turns rubbing his back and murmuring words of encouragement.

“EDGE!” Blue sobbed, jumping up from the chair and nearly tackling him, fresh tears streaming down his face.

“Take it easy, Blue,” Red said.

“It’s okay, brother,” Edge sighed, just barely keeping his balance, and finally shifting so he could hug Blue back. “How are you holding up?”

“EGDE! THANK YOU, WHO KNOWS WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU NEVER FOUND HIM!” Blue cried out hysterically, pressing his face into his side. “AND I SAID SUCH HORRID THINGS TO YOU! I’M SORRY! I TRULY AM GLAD YOU’RE SAFE AND I’M SORRY, JUST, J-JUST-!”

Blue gripped onto Edge harder as he sobbed loudly.

“Hey, Blue, Edge is a little injured, too, let’s give him some space,” Sans said reasonably, helping to pry the small skeleton off the taller one.

“I SHALL GO GET EVERYONE WATER! RED! ASSIST ME!” Papyrus said, grabbing Red’s hand and pulling him out of the room.

Sans ushered Blue and Edge back to the chairs.

“What did the cops say?” Sans asked.

“We’re fine,” Edge said. “Think I actually got a fair set working with us. On record, any injuries I caused was in self-defense and the doors I broke is covered under some good Samaritan law crap. Anyone they found was arrested or brought to a different hospital. They’re going to do what they can to keep the whole thing out of court and make it a cut and dry case, or at least keep us out of it.”

Blue was silent, Sans nodded slowly, listening very carefully.

“What’s the catch?” Sans asked.

“I gave them some info about the gang I was in,” Edge said. “Which means I gotta watch my step for a bit.”

“Oh, stars,” Blue murmured. “What are you going to do?”

“Just be careful. I know their methods and I survived a good deal longer than some of the others. Moving away is inevitable, but it always was.”

The three fell silent. Sans reached over to grab Blue’s hand, squeezing it and giving him a reassuring smile. Papyrus and Red came back at that moment, each holding two cups of water.

“Have you guys seen him?” Edge asked, taking a cup from Papyrus.

“Not yet, just a glance when I tried,” Blue said, taking the water with a shaking hand and taking a long drink. “He… didn’t look good.”

Edge sighed and buried his face in one hand.

“DRINK IT, EDGE! YOU NEED THE HYDRATION!” Papyrus scolded.

Edge growled and gripped the cup, making the water rise to the top and spill a little.

“Hey, Boss, come on,” Red murmured, setting the other two cups of water aside.

Edge gave him a glare but took two gulps of water just to make them all happy.

“Mr. Serif?” a monster doctor called, walking into the room.

Blue jumped out of his seat and ran to the doctor.

“YES! THAT’S ME! MY BROTHER? IS HE ALL RIGHT? PLEASE TELL ME EVERYTHING!” Blue nearly shouted.

“Sorry, he’s excitable any given day to begin with,” Sans said, quickly walking up behind him, putting his hands on his shoulders to calm him.

“It’s understandable. I am Dr. Alto, and I believe we should have this discussion in private,” they said glancing up at the others.

“They are all family,” Blue said, indicating all of the other skeletons. “Please, whatever you tell me I’m going to tell them anyhow, so please, please tell me what’s going on?”

“Let’s have a seat.”

“Oh stars,” Blue said, face going even paler than before.

“Blue, come on,” Sans coaxed, helping him into the closest seat while the doctor took one where they could face Blue. The others also moved closer, Papyrus helping to steady Edge on his feet since now he refused to sit.

“Your brother is alive, but he’s a bit unstable. We have him resting as comfortably as possible, but I don’t want to rule out the chance that his health could go south and quickly, especially when his base HP is taken into consideration. He’s suffered a lot of physical trauma, and from what I’ve gathered from the few outbursts he’s had, there is likely psychological trauma as well.”

The doctor paused, reaching into their coat and pulling out a few tissues and handed them to Blue when tears had started falling again.

“He has been starved, dehydrated, and there are burn marks on his wrists, hands, and spine where something burned through his clothing. There’s been some breaking damage to his pelvic area, later on it will likely have to be rebroken and reset so it heals properly, but I dare not do the operation at this time,” Dr. Alto continued.

The room was silent as Blue sobbed quietly, turning into Sans’ arms.

“What comes next, Dr. Alto?” Papyrus asked.

“We monitor him; his magic is still dangerously low, and that is a concern. I don’t know if any of you share the same magic frequency as him, but it could help.”

“I do,” Edge said immediately.

“As do I,” Papyrus said.

“I can do it,” Edge insisted.

“Edge you cannot even stand straight! At this time, you’re quite low yourself!”

Edge glared at him.

“The rest of us can still help,” Red said, giving his brother a pointed look. “May not be as strong, but it can help.”

Blue beamed at them all briefly before turning back to the doctor. “What else?” he asked.

“Until he wakes up, there is nothing else.”

“C-can I s-see him?” Blue asked.

“Of course. Only two may be in the room at a time, though.”

The doctor stood, as did the others, and they paused a moment to look Edge up and down.

“You look like you should have a bed next to your friend,” Dr. Alto said.

“Considering he had to fight the docs in the ER to let him up here, that might not be a bad idea,” Red chuckled. “He’s okay, just stubborn.”

Dr. Alto gave Edge another glance up and down, drawing a glare from the skeleton, but the doctor’s face remained neutral and they all followed them to the intensive care monster ward.

“So, what happened to you?” Papyrus asked as he helped Edge along.

* * *

Jordan grunted as his back hit the wall, the bottles behind the bar rattled ominously, a couple crashing on the floor. He barely got out a terrified gasp before boney hands gripped the front of his shirt and slammed him harder against the wall. Red eye-lights bore into his frightened brown ones, a mouth full of sharpened teeth snarled, and red magic rose off the skeleton like steam.

“You double-crossing traitorous prick,” Edge growled. “Did you really think I wouldn’t figure out that you were _drugging_ me?”

The fear eased off as a smirk slid into place on the human’s face.

“Well, it _did_ take you nearly five weeks to figure it out,” Jordan snickered. “You monsters really are full of yourselves, thinking you know everything and using your little parlor tricks to get your way. You all make me sick.”

“You want to see parlor tricks, human?” Edge growled, lifting one hand, forming a sharp bone, gripping it tight and pressing the pointed end to Jordan’s neck. “You like this one? I call it “Puncture Wound,” sounds like a fitting thing to put on your death certificate.”

The fear was put back into Jordan’s eyes, which sent a thrum of satisfaction through Edge.

“I’m waiting,” Edge nearly purred. “You know where Swap is, I know you do.”

“Th-they-they’ll k-k-kill me,” Jordan stammered.

Edge drove the sharp bone into the wall right next to Jordan’s neck, not even grazing his skin, but making him cry out as if it pierced him.

“What makes you think I won’t?” Edge growled. “Talk!”

“I can’t!”

Edge drove another sharpened bone above Jordan’s head and formed another to press against his neck, pressing hard enough where just a touch more pressure would make him bleed.

“This is simple, Jordan. Tell me where Swap is, or you die.”

“If I die, you’ll never find him!”

“But it’ll make me feel a whole lot better.”

Edge pressed the bone in more, grinning maliciously as blood pooled around where the bone finally broke the skin.

“Okay! Okay! The basement! He’s in the basement!”

Edge went still, the anger faded and was replaced by blank confusion. The fear also left Jordan for a moment and he started to laugh.

“You dumb fuck, he was right underneath you the entire time, and you couldn’t tell?! That’ hilarious!”

Edge snarled as all of his anger came back tenfold; the bones disappeared as his hand drew back, curled into a fist, and he put every ounce of power into the backhanded punch as he could. There was a very audible crack, likely Jordan’s jaw breaking, and the bartender dropped like a sack of cement.

“SANS!” Edge shouted into his phone, which he pulled out of his pocket as he ran around the bar and began searching for an entrance to its lower level. “CALL THE POLICE AND SEND THEM TO JORDAN’S BAR! THE BASEMENT!”

“What the- What’s going on?” Red asked.

“JUST DO WHAT I SAY! HE’S HERE!”

“Oh, fuck.”

If Red said anything else, Edge didn’t hear it as he found a locked door and he kicked it down. The cacophony it made as it went down the stairs was accompanied by surprised cries, which turned to cries of fear when the angry monster was halfway down the steps.

“ _WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?_ ” Edge bellowed.

There was a short hallway with one door at the end, and the only thing between Edge and that door were six humans; a couple brandishing weapons, all looking ready to fight with mixes of disgust, horror, and terror on all of their faces.

“Wrong move, humans,” Edge said in a low tone. He activated his magic, red bones swirling behind him, red mist rising from his eye-sockets and hands. “NYEH HEH HEH! AND NOW YOU ALL WILL FACE THE WRATH OF THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS!”

At least one human fainted from fear alone.

It didn’t take long for Edge to stun or knock out his attackers, taking the hall at a rush and not really caring what he did beyond making sure he didn’t kill them, ignoring whatever injuries he was given. He gripped the doorknob, ready to rip it from the door, but finding, surprisingly enough, that the door was not locked.

Suddenly he stopped, his hand shaking as he realized he wasn’t sure what he was going to find or what he was going to see. Then he remembered that as long as Swap was in there and he was alive, that’s all that truly mattered.

The door was opened, Edge rushed in, and again he stopped short.

There was Swap, slumped over, his hands cuffed to the pipe behind him, his face a mess of bruises, and magic that was dark orange and brown depending how old it was. His clothes were ruffled, a few dark spots denoting where magic and marrow seeped through the cloth.

“OH MY GOD!” Edge sobbed as he ran forward and fell to his knees in front of Swap. “SWAP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP!”

Swap was unresponsive, Edge trembled as he gently curved his hands on his cheekbones, gently lifting Swap’s face. He carefully cradled his face in one hand, freeing the other to start gently shaking his shoulder.

“SWAP, SWAP! SWAP WAKE UP! NO, PLEASE, PLEASE, WAKE UP, SWAP!!!” 

Slowly, ever so slowly, Swap’s eyes opened a little. The look was blank, but he was alive; Swap was alive!

“Oh my God, y-you’re here, I found you, I found you,” Edge babbled, tears stinging his eyes.

“… Edge?”

Edge sobbed and wrapped his arms around Swap as best he could.

“You’re here, you’re here, oh God, you’re here!”

Edge cried into the shoulder of Swap’s hoodie, repeating his name like a prayer, not realizing the other had passed out again, ignoring the sounds of sirens in the distance and just concentrating on the very faint but very present beat of the other’s soul.

* * *

“He didn’t deserve this, you know,” Blue murmured.

“I agree,” Edge murmured.

“Honestly, though, you don’t deserve this either,” Blue said with a sigh, turning to the other.

Edge was sitting in the armchair at the foot of Swap’s bed. Normally, his eyes never left Swap, but now they slowly moved to the window.

“Sometimes life isn’t about what others deserve or don’t deserve,” Edge murmured. “No, your brother didn’t deserve any of this. One might argue that someone who would be my lover did. I am certain I deserve to be in his place, and trust me when I tell you I wish I was.”

Blue sighed again, moving over to Edge and putting a hand tentatively on his shoulder.

“Edge, I, I know… I know how you feel about Papyrus. I know you’re still blaming yourself, but I honestly don’t think there was anything you could do.”

Edge didn’t answer.

“I truly am sorry for those things I said to you. I doubt he would have ever been found without you. I was angry, but that still is no excuse for how I behaved. I really am grateful that you are here.”

Edge gave a slight nod, and Blue sighed when he realized that he wasn’t going to say anything.

“I’m going to get something to drink. I’ll bring you back something,” Blue murmured. “I won’t be long.”

When Edge was sure Blue left, he sighed and pulled himself up out of the chair and shuffled over to Swap. It had been forty-eight hours since he had been found and there hadn’t been much of a change. Papyrus had given some magic to Swap, and Edge was about to, but was advised against it because he was healing, too. Being his brother, Blue’s magic wasn’t an exact match, but it could help, along with Sans’ and Red’s.

But there was a difference when you were lovers with the monster in need of magic.

“I just hope you’re not still mad at me,” Edge murmured, putting one hand on Swap’s shoulder, his other hand moving under the covers and slipping into Swap’s ribcage. “But, even if you are, maybe I can convince you to at least let me help you.”

His fingertips could feel the weak energy of the other’s soul, and he carefully covered the surface with his hand, putting a gentle pressure on it as he closed his eyes and concentrated on sending his magic into it.

Even if Swap was still mad at him, his soul recognized the other and immediately began absorbing the other’s magic like a sponge, even pulling more from Edge than he was planning to give.

Edge couldn’t care less.

“Take it, take it all if you must,” Edge whispered. “Just come back to me.”

_“Why should I?”_

Edge gasped and looked up at Swap’s voice. He realized quickly that their magic had merged, and he was speaking to Swap on a subconscious level. The hospital had disappeared, leaving them in a void that was both the brightest light and the deepest dark.

“ _Swap, please, it was all my fault, I’m so sorry,_ ” Edge pleaded.

Swap crossed his arms and didn’t look at Edge.

“ _Please, Swap, Papyrus,_ ” Edge said, moving towards him and reaching out. “ _You mean so much to me, please, you’ve got to know how I feel._ ”

Swap raised an eye ridge and looked at his outstretched hand. He sighed, reaching out one of his own after a moment and gently taking it.

Memories of Edge’s own feelings came back into full focus for him; the absolute horror he felt when he finally, _finally_ , found Swap, the sick twist in his soul upon finding the body he was so familiar with beaten and unconscious, restrained, and no one would ever know how badly Edge wanted to scream in despair and frustration that his missing lover had been here, a yard or so underneath him while he spent weeks searching for him and trying to drown the pain of his failure in the bar above.

Swap sighed, letting his hand fall from Edge’s despite the other trying to grip it firmly.

“ _You still won’t say it, though,_ ” Swap murmured.

Then everything went dark.

* * *

“Is he going to be okay?”

“Sure, he’s tough, just not as tough as he thinks, sometimes.”

“Or smart.”

“Sans! Be nice!”

“At least we’re allowed to be in here at the same time, now.”

“Oh! I think he’s coming around.”

There was the sound of shuffling and Edge was slowly becoming aware of bright light and the smell of antiseptic and lemons.

“What’s going on?” Edge murmured.

“Not much,” a black and red blur to his right said. “That was quite the bonehead move there, Boss.”

“You scared me half to death!” Blue’s voice said, sounding strained.

“Yeah, I came in to check on you guys and you were passed out on the floor,” Sans said. “I like your style, though, I’d’ve done the same.”

“DON’T YOU DARE!” Papyrus cried.

“Mmm, loud,” a weak voice murmured.

Edge sat up immediately, ignoring Red’s protest, and despite not really being able to see straight, he launched himself out of the bed and threw aside the curtain that split the room in half.

“He’s been coming in and out,” Blue explained.

Edge didn’t care; Swap’s eye-lights were hazy, only partially lit, but they raised slightly up at Edge, and then they looked away, his eyes closing most of the way.

“Oh my God,” Edge sobbed, stumbling over to the side of the bed.

He didn’t know what to do, his hands and arms trembling in a mix of agony, relief, fear, and worry. Edge wanted to hold him, but he didn’t want to hurt him. He wanted to apologize but wasn’t sure if he would really hear him. Edge knew that he would likely pass out at any moment, his own injuries taking their toll as well as his own lack of magic, since he had sacrificed all of his reserves to Swap.

Finally, with a choked sound that mixed his agony with relief, Edge collapsed on the bed, partially sprawled across Swap’s chest for a moment before he curled at his side.

“I love you, I love you so fucking much, please, don’t leave me, I love you,” Edge murmured, voice shaking and broken.

Blue reached forward, since it seemed Swap had passed out again and he wasn’t so sure it was safe for Edge to be doing what he was doing, but Red put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head, then making a motion back to their brothers.

Swap’s eyes opened a little, his arm slowly reached up and his thumb brushed a tear from under Edge’s eye socket, making him gasp and look up.

“Heh, you finally said it, you asshole,” Swap whispered.

His hand went limp as he slipped back into unconsciousness. Edge stared, then slowly, almost hesitantly, he chuckled. After a moment, it turned into quiet crying, and then Edge also dropped into darkness.

“Heh, what a pair of nerds,” Red chuckled.

“Whatever are we going to do with them?” Blue said with a sigh, wrapping his arms around himself.

“Eh, those boneheads deserve each other,” Sans said, nudging Blue with his hip.

“It’ll be okay, brothers!” Papyrus said, gathering the three in a hug. “It will all be okay!”

* * *

Edge would learn that “okay” was a relative term. Swap was okay in that he was alive, and that alone was more than enough to be grateful for, but he still lingered on the knife’s edge of death for a week. Twice, Edge had drained his magic to keep him alive without a second thought, much to the others and their doctor’s chagrin, but Edge recovered quickly from the incidents.

“We know you’d die for him, Boss, but could you, y’know, not?” Red asked, shifting uncomfortably.

“Shut up, Sans,” Edge grumbled.

“Come on, brother, you should really eat more than that,” Blue said with a huff.

“Please, Sans,” Swap murmured weakly, trying to wave him away.

Blue sighed and set aside the bowl of soup.

“He’ll eat when he’s hungry, Baby Blue,” Red said, reaching over to rap his knuckles against the other’s skull. “Trust me, when this one was still a little brat, he’d stop eating out of spite. I’d just wait until he was starving.”

“He’ll never get better if he doesn’t eat!” Blue insisted.

“Blue, your bro is hopped up on morphine, he’s lucky enough to feel his feet,” he sighed. “Come on, when was the last time _you_ ate?”

After some more cajoling, Red started shoving Blue out of the room.

“Think you could not drain your magic while we’re gone?” Red said, shooting a glare at Edge.

“Fuck you.”

“Uh huh.”

Edge sighed when the door shut, grunting as he sat up and rolled out of the hospital bed. He shuffled over to the other side of the room, hanging on the curtain a little as he gazed at his lover.

An IV was pumping a steady stream of painkillers into Swap, who mostly was staring ahead, his eye lights not focused on anything in particular. He was tucked in comfortably with a light blanket, pillows propped him up slightly, but Edge noticed his hands were gripping at the blanket, slowly clenching and unclenching.

“You okay? Need something?” Edge asked.

“Don’t like morphine,” Swap murmured.

“You’d be in insane pain without it, darling,” Edge said, moving away from the curtain to the other side, and then deciding to sit on the floor. He reached one hand up and behind him, his fingers brushing Swap’s, which got him to stop clenching his hands. “What’s bothering you?”

“Feel funny,” Swap murmured. “Like, here, but not. I know e’rythin, but, not.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Edge, did, did you look for me?” Swap asked weakly.

“Heh, did I look for you? Fuck, Swap, I tore apart the city for you.”

* * *

Edge couldn’t glance at the poster he had taped up just two hours earlier in the window of the bar. He knew Blue and Papyrus had put them up all over town and it broke him piece by piece every time he laid eyes on the visage of his missing boyfriend.

The bartender said nothing, pointing the bottle he was holding at Edge, who put out his glass to be filled, nodding thanks to the bartender, a human named Jordan, as he walked away.

“So, decided to give it a rest for the night?” Red said, seeming to appear on the stool next to Edge.

Edge glanced at him out of the corner of his eye-socket, snarling before he drank half of his glass.

“Just as well; a handful of humans sent to the hospital, a bunch of monsters forced out of a city block, and the word is definitely out who you’re looking for and why,” Red said with a sigh.

“Do you expect me to sit back and do nothing?” Edge asked, gripping his glass tight in a fist.

“I think you ought to let the police do their job,” Red said.

“THEY’RE DOING A SHIT JOB OF IT NOW, AREN’T THEY?!” Edge shouted, throwing the half-filled glass of alcohol on the floor, shattering it as he stood up angrily, the stool falling behind him. “IT’S BEEN THREE WEEKS, SANS! THREE WEEKS SINCE I’VE SEEN HIM! THREE WEEKS SINCE HE WALKED OUT OF THAT DOOR AND I HAVEN’T HAD THE CHANCE TO APOLOGIZE!”

Red stared; Edge hadn’t said much since Swap had gone missing.

“You guys had a fight?” Red asked.

“I WAS AN ABSOLUTE FOOL, SANS!” Edge growled, slamming his fist on the bar. “A COMPLETE AND TOTAL MORON; WHY DIDN’T I TELL HIM? WHY DIDN’T I STOP HIM?! WHY DIdn’t I… just… say it.”

Edge slowly fell to his knees with a sob, his hand gripping the edge of the bar. Red stared in shock, watching tears sliding down his brother’s face for the first time since they were children. Even when Blue had verbally attacked Edge, blaming him for Swap’s disappearance, Edge was stoic. Now, though, perhaps aided by the alcohol, Edge was slowly falling apart.

“Why didn’t I tell him, brother?” Edge sobbed. “Why was it so, so difficult to tell him how I feel?”

“Okay, bro, let’s get you out of here,” Red said with a sigh, glancing at the clock. It was late, and Edge likely had more to drink than he should have. “You have a tab?”

“Huh?”

“Nevermind. Hey, barkeep, lemme pay my bro’s tab?”

“On the house tonight,” the bartender called. “He looks like he could use a break.”

“Thanks, dude.”

The bartender gave him a smile and a wave, Red nodded back, pulling one of Edge’s arms across his shoulders, half carrying, but mostly dragging Edge out the door.

“It’s my fault, Sans, it’s all my fault,” Edge continued to cry and babble as they left the bar. “He’s gone, he left me, and he was right to, because I’m an idiot.”

Red sighed, knowing he was in for a long night and an even longer morning.

* * *

“Awww, Edgey,” Swap murmured, words slurring slightly. “Cutie pie.”

“Feh, how dare you.”

Edge felt wandering fingers patting close to his, then they weakly wrapped around his. Edge squeezed for them both.

* * *

As Swap healed and relied less and less on painkillers, the more the psychological injuries he sustained of his ordeal was revealed. He began to shy away from being touched, didn’t allow anyone to see him in any state of undress, and had moments where he would freeze and lose his ability to speak completely.

Edge started to become concerned when Swap began refusing to allow their friends to visit, then him, and became downright worried when he got a call from a sobbing Blue when Swap refused to see him, either.

“I think it may be best that we move Papyrus to the psych ward,” Dr. Alto said.

“Do you think that’s really necessary?” Blue asked, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. “Can’t I just bring him home? He would feel better if he was surrounded by those who love him.”

“Under normal circumstances, I would agree; there is no denying that being cared for by loved ones tends to have better results than hospital staff and strangers. However, he suffered through something very traumatic and he will need to work with professionals to get through it, as well as have the love and support from his friends and family.”

While neither Blue nor Edge were happy about Swap being in the hospital longer, they wanted what was best for him. By the end of the day, Swap was moved into his own private room in the psychiatric ward of the hospital, and Blue and Edge had brought some of his things from home to make him feel more comfortable.

It would be nearly two weeks before Edge would see Swap again.

“Hello?” Edge answered his phone.

“H-hey Edge.”

“Swap! How are you doing, honey?”

“Mmm, I’m, I’m all right I guess. Uhm, listen, I, I…”

“Take your time, darling.”

He heard Swap heave a huge sigh, though he was certain there was some shaking in his breath. As the seconds ticked by, Edge gripped his phone harder and harder.

“Would you come see me?” Swap finally got out.

“Can I?” Edge replied quickly. “Really? Do you need something? Are they being good to you? Should I bring anything?”

“P-please, calm,” Swap murmured. “Everything is fine, I, I j-just want to s-see you.”

“Okay, okay,” Edge took a calming breath. “I’ve been wanting to see you, too. I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear from you! When should I come over?”

“When you can, sometime t-today.”

“All right,” Edge sighed happily, his smile shining through this voice. “I will be there in less than an hour, okay?”

“Thank you, see you then.”

The line cut off, leaving Edge staring at his phone a little worried.

True to his word, Edge was at the hospital in less than an hour, bringing with him a bag with some bottles of honey, a box of Swap’s favorite cheese crackers, and a book of Jr. Jumble.

“Swap? It’s me,” Edge said gently, knocking on the door while slowly opening it.

“Come in.”

Edge came in and gently shut the door behind him. Swap was sitting in an armchair by the window, dressed in a pair of satin beige pajamas and an orange bathrobe. He turned to Edge and gave him a small smile.

“Hey, babe,” Edge said, setting the items down on a small table.

“Hey, Edge,” Swap replied.

Edge stood awkwardly for a moment, while Swap seemed to be having an awkward moment himself. Edge finally took initiative and sat in the other armchair.

“How are you doing?”

Swap gave a slight shrug, looking out the window.

“I’ve been thinking a lot,” Swap murmured. “There really isn’t any easy way to say this, but, I think we need to break up.”

Edge felt his soul tighten, a sick feeling twisting in the center, making him nauseous.

“But, why?” Edge finally managed to get out, not even caring how weak his voice was.

Swap flinched, but still did not look at him.

“Y-you don’t want me, Edge,” he murmured. “I, I can’t...” he sighed. “You d-deserve someone who is s-strong, and I’m not.”

“Just because you were kidnapped doesn’t make you weak!” Edge exclaimed as much as his voice would allow. “Swap, please-!”

“No, Edge, just listen to me, I… I’m no longer good for you. I’m broken, tainted, there’s a possibility that I will never be the same. Honestly, it would be best for everyone if I just…”

Swap’s voice faded completely, and it left a horrid chill running down Edge’s spine. He didn’t like what Swap was indicating, he knew that train of thought, and he quickly found himself determined to stop it in its tracks.

“You may have been too drugged at the time to remember, but you asked if I really went looking for you,” Edge said, finding the strength to keep his voice steady. “I went fucking crazy and nearly tore up half the city looking for you. Our brothers and friends also went nuts, putting up posters, shoving pictures of you in the face of every monster and human for miles. We worked too damn hard, lost a lot of sleep, shed enough tears and even blood to find you. What the hell makes you think you can just decide to up and leave us?”

Swap had gone still as a statue. After a few minutes when the silence continued on, Edge sighed.

“Look, you went through fucking hell, I get that. I was the first one to see you and believe me when I tell you that I spared Blue a lot of details. I don’t expect things to go back to what is considered normal, not for a while, if ever. What matters most is that I care about you, Swap, and I want to help see you through this. I know we had a fight and it wasn’t resolved, but now we’re still recovering from this ordeal, so to make decisions about our relationship should not be a priority, all right?”

Swap still remained silent. Edge’s patience was running out, and with a growl of frustration he got up and went to Swap’s chair, leaning down with the hands on the arms. Swap retreated as far back against the chair as he could.

“You know, if you were going to pull all of this, the least you could do is look me in the eye as I pour my heart out to you!” Edge said hotly. “It’s not exactly every day you tell the monster who loves you that you want to throw away everything we had because of some dumb-!”

Edge froze as the terrified gasp finally reached his ears and he noticed the terror in Swap’s face. His body was rigid, his eye wide, mouth hung open slightly as he began to pant in panic.

_What did I do? What have I done?_ Edge slowly pushed off the chair and righted himself. _He’s afraid of me; whatever happened to him, it’s made him afraid of me._

Edge reached towards Swap with one hand slowly, and even though there was no possible way he could touch Swap without leaning or taking a step forward, Swap pressed further into the back of the chair with a small cry.

“Oh, God,” Edge murmured. “Swap, I, I’m sorry,” he slowly sank to his knees on the carpet, keeping gentle eye contact with his lover. “I’m so, so sorry, babe, please, just try to relax.”

Swap’s breathing was picking up, but thankfully Edge knew how to help another deal with a panic attack; he just hoped that Swap would listen.

“Okay, Swap? Papyrus? Can you hear me?” Edge asked gently.

At that moment, Swap couldn’t.

* * *

_The humans grabbed him from a dark alleyway; Swap was still seething with anger from his argument with Edge that he didn’t take notice of his surroundings. They were anti-monster types, quickly beating him until he stopped moving, nearly unconscious, and they dragged him off the street._

_The next thing he knew was the cold floor and the hot pipe at his back. He cried out when he moved his wrists and the burning metal seared his bone._

_“Huh, so even freaks like you get burned, huh?” a human who was apparently keeping watch sneered at him. “Disgusting creatures. You should have stayed under that mountain where you belong.”_

_Swap opened his mouth to speak, but the human seemed to be waiting for it and punched him over and over until he passed out again._

_This would be repeated with fists, sticks, and at one time even metal pipe anytime he tried to speak. Any sounds he made caused them to hit him harder_

_Then they turned sadistic; eating in front of him, teasing him with food, only to strike him if he made any motions towards whatever they would throw towards him._

_One female human in particular was downright cruel; she was the one who began to assault him sexually, touching him between his legs, kicking him in the pelvis from any angle she could, demanding that he tell her how monsters had sex, but by then he was conditioned to not speak unless he wanted another beating. She threatened to rape him, but seeing as he was a skeleton, there didn’t seem to be another way to violate him. She would still continue to touch him, fondling his pelvis, touching along his ribs, areas that he used to love having touched by a set of bony fingers as red eye-lights flashed at him with passion, dominance, and love._

_“You let this happen, you know,” the human whispered to him one evening, and upon seeing the broken look in his face, she would continue to remind him. “This is all your fault.”_

* * *

“Papyrus? Darling? Are you back with me?” Edge asked.

Swap nodded, albeit a bit frantically.

Edge realized that Swap was having a flashback, quickly retrieved a cup of water and spoke to him gently until he could grab his attention again.

“Good, just listen carefully, everything is all right now. You’re safe. Breathe, deeper, nice and easy, put your hand on your chest. Good, very good, feel it move as you breathe. Feel that? See? You’re doing great.”

Edge guided Swap through a breathing exercise, slowly getting him to relax, until finally he seemed to snap back into reality which was punctuated with a flow of tears.

“You see?” Swap sobbed, burying his face in his hands. “I’m a mess, I’m broken, you don’t want me, Edge. _I_ don’t want me!”

Edge took his turn to be silent, letting the sobs fill the room, then he slowly rose and found a box of tissues and held it out to Swap.

“Tissues in front of you,” he murmured.

Swap reached out for one and wiped his face.

“Are you willing to listen? I promise I won’t lose my temper this time.”

Swap nodded.

“Okay. I’m sorry for getting upset. I meant it when I said I care about you, Swap. I still want to see you through this. I understand if you don’t love me anymore, but I still feel for you, and I want to see you through all of this. But if you truly, truly want me to leave, I understand.”

“B-but I don’t d-deserve-!”

“Stop, please,” Edge interrupted gently. “Swap, if you can look at me and say that you honestly do not care about me, I will respect that and go. However, I want you to keep in mind that you are not thinking well right now, and that’s all right. Again, you’ve been through hell,” Edge dropped to one knee, a little closer to the chair, but kept a good enough distance where Swap didn’t recoil. “Papyrus, do you really want me to go?”

Their eyes locked for the first time in months. Edge studied the different emotions fighting for dominance in Swap’s eye-lights, finding interest in the struggle, but ultimately only concerned about the outcome. After a moment, Swap leaned back in the chair with a sigh, his eye cast downwards.

“No, Edge, I don’t really want you to go,” Swap all but whispered. “I wanted to spare you the burden of me.”

“It’s a burden I want. Besides, your lazy ass can’t carry it alone,” Edge gave him a small wink, which brought the barest ghost of a smile back to Swap’s face for a brief moment.

“Guess so.”

“All right. May I hug you?”

Swap flinched. “Uhmm…”

“You’re allowed to tell me ‘no,’” Edge smiled sincerely. “Come on, say it, the first one is the hardest. I won’t be angry, promise.”

Swap squirmed a little in the chair, looking torn. Edge still smiled gently at him before deciding that Swap wouldn’t say it and was climbing to his feet when he heard the reply.

“Not right now,” Swap murmured.

“That’s my boy,” Edge said. “I’ll turn that into a ‘yes’ one day.”

Swap nodded mutely.

The two spent the rest of the visit mostly in silence, Swap asked a question or two, Edge replied and told Swap about the current goings on in the outside world, and it was only awkward when Edge went to leave.

“Too soon to ask for that hug again?”

Swap nodded.

“All right,” Edge glanced around the room and spotted a stuffed white dog that someone had given to Swap as a gift. He took the dog and stood in front of Swap, hugging it tightly. “How about this? I’m going to hug this dog, and give him to you, and when you hug him, well, it’ll kind of be like getting a hug from me?”

Swap blinked, then let out a very small laugh. “Kinda silly, don’t you think?”

“Maybe,” Edge said, giving the stuffed animal a final squeeze and even dropping a kiss on the top of its head before handing him to Swap, who took it with slightly shaking hands. “Until tomorrow, beautiful.”

Swap nodded, and Edge left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Swap waited until his footsteps faded in the hallway before wrapping his arms around the stuffed dog and dropping a kiss in the same place Edge did.

* * *

“You wanted to break up with your boyfriend because you feel you experience made you unworthy to be with him?”

Swap nodded.

“And he didn’t accept that.”

Swap nodded again.

“I see. How did this make you feel?”

Swap gave a one shouldered shrug.

“You know, your eyes light up a little differently when our talks turn to him.”

“Do they?”

“Yes.”

Swap looked up into the psychologist’s face; a kind, middle-aged female human whose hair was just beginning to grey at the roots. She smiled warmly at him and set her notepad aside.

“I can tell that you love him very much, Papyrus, and while you feel pushing him away is what’s best for him, only he can make that decision. It would be different if you no longer had feelings for him, or if he was the abuser, but if you both care about and love one another, there isn’t any reason you two should not be together, no matter what you’ve been through.”

Papyrus pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, his entire body tensing for a moment before he released the tension with a sigh.

“What do I do?” he murmured. “I’m terrified to let him touch me.”

“I think you should try exposure therapy, and I’m sure he would agree.”

“What’s that?”

“Short moments where you both have physical contact with one another. Start small, hand holding, his hand placed on spots like your shoulder, hands, arms, anywhere that you feel the least vulnerable.”

“Okay,” Swap said slowly, feeling a little confused.

“During this, start talking about the good things you two have experienced with one another. Start planning things you both can do once you’re feeling better. The idea is to corelate positive things with touch.”

Swap squirmed in his seat.

“The idea is making you uncomfortable.”

“What if it doesn’t work?” he murmured.

“We will find another way,” his doctor smiled. “Our time is up for today, Papyrus. Until next week, I would like you to talk with Edge and give this a try. If you would like for me to speak with him, let me know, and we can set up another meeting, though I have a good feeling about this.”

“All right, doc,” Swap said with a sigh. “I’ll try.”

“And that is all anyone can ask you to do.”

* * *

The next few weeks felt like torture to Edge, because he so desperately wanted to wrap himself around Swap like a protective blanket, hold, cuddle, and kiss him as he cried and shook until the effects of his kidnapping and torment were no more than bad dreams. But he knew it wasn’t as simple as all that, therefore he was completely on board with the exposure therapy method, anything to help his boyfriend.

Their first session went really well. He was able to hold both of Swap’s hands; they trembled at first, and a few times he pulled away, but it wasn’t for long. Edge ran his thumbs over his knuckles soothingly as they talked about when they first met, and their first date.

“Heh, I was sure you would never speak to me again after all of those puns when you hit the golf ball into the pond,” Swap said with a small chuckle.

“I was ready to lose it, I thought my brother was the only one who told such horrible jokes,” Edge said with a laugh. “But you were, are, adorable. I had to have a second date with you.”

They parted with Edge hugging the stuffed puppy, kissing its forehead, and handing it to Swap, who would do the same, but only kissed it when Edge left.

Edge was so worried that they were spending all of this time and going so slow that Swap really would never be the same again. It had been over a month, Swap was going to be sent home, and Edge was able to secure a nice place for them both - closer to their brothers and away from their old lives.

“We even have a spot in the yard the landlord said we could do with as we pleased,” Edge said, squeezing Swap’s hands in his excitement. “You wanted to try growing things, right? I think it would be nice if we tried growing tomatoes for my sauce!”

“It sounds great, really,” Swap said, though his voice didn’t sound so enthusiastic.

Edge checked his disappointment and smiled reassuringly at his boyfriend.

“You know, if you’d rather move back in with your brother or live on your own, that’s okay.”

“No, no, being by myself here is scary enough, and I want to be with you. I love you.”

“All right, as long as you’re sure,” Edge sighed as Swap carefully pulled his hands out of his grip. “I guess I’ll get going for now, make sure everything is ready for you tomorrow.”

They both stood, Swap slower than Edge, and Edge reached for the stuffed puppy.

“No, uhm, p-put that down.”

Edge blinked in surprise and slowly put the toy down.

“Babe?”

“I, uhm, Edge, I want you to h-hug me. For real.”

Edge tried to not rush over to grip Swap, though his excitement shone through his eyes.

“Really? Can I?” he asked.

Swap shut his eyes tight and nodded.

“Just please, slow, gentle,” he murmured.

“Of course.”

Edge moved slowly, murmuring a soft warning when he put his arms around Swap, gently pulling the slightly smaller skeleton into him, sighing when he finally felt Swap against him.

“Oh, Papyrus,” Edge whispered, tears pooling in his sockets. “My darling, thank you, thank you. I knew you could do it.”

Swap stiffened in the gentle hold, but after a moment, he relaxed. Another moment allowed him to lift his arms to also wrap around his lover, pressing closer, and resting his head on Edge’s shoulder with a sigh.

“This is nice,” Swap murmured almost sleepily. “Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for not giving up.”

Edge’s soul pounded as Swap hugged him back, barely registering his words, and pulling back to gently hold Swap’s face and look him in the eyes.

“I am so, so proud of you,” Edge nearly sobbed, never minding the tears that began to fall. “I love you so, so much.”

He leaned in and kissed him, gently, firmly, and while Swap’s first instinct was to push him away, the familiar feelings of love, safety, warmth, and hope filled him, and he wrapped his arms around Edge’s neck to pull him in tighter, kissing him back just as hard.

“ _Heh, and he finally said it,_ ” Swap thought.

Everything really was going to be all right.

**Author's Note:**

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